I’ve been thinking about the word congruent lately. For the longest time, I thought it just meant following through. Did I do what I said I’d do? Check. Was I reliable? Check. But that’s not really congruency. That’s just keeping promises.
To be congruent means walking our talk, not just talking our talk. And I recently noticed something I didn’t see before.
I disconnect on weekends. I don’t check email, I don’t work, I don’t even think about work if I can help it, and definitely not on Sundays. I do this because I believe rest is sacred. I believe our relationship to Self is sacred. I believe we need time away from the noise and productivity demands that fill our days. I believe we need time away from the endless expectations of people and life itself. I believe weekends should be for restoration, not performance.
But here’s what I’ve recognized recently: I’ve been sending my newsletter every Sunday morning.
Now, I could rationalize this. I write it in advance, I schedule it, so I’m not actively working on Sunday. But the truth is simpler and more uncomfortable. Every Sunday morning, I’m landing in people’s inboxes asking them to read, think, and engage with my content. I’m asking them to do exactly what I feel is unhealthy.
That’s not congruent. That’s saying one thing and doing another.
The Greek philosopher, Epictetus, understood this: “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” That’s exactly what I wasn’t doing, albeit unwittingly. I was honoring the boundary for myself but asking others to cross it.
I realized I needed to ask: do I believe in rest for everyone, or just rest for me? Since my life’s work focuses on healthy living for everyone, being congruent about this matters. The science supports this. Our brains aren’t built to run constantly. There’s something called the default mode network that only works when we’re not focused on tasks. That’s when insight happens, when memory gets organized, when creativity emerges. Our dopamine systems need breaks from constant reward seeking. Even our ability to grow and change requires periods of quiet, not endless stimulation.
So I’m stopping. No more Sunday emails, no matter what’s happening. That’s my line.
Congruency is just another word for integrity. The kind of thing that nobody else can see, but we can feel it in our bones when it’s there, and when it’s not.
Committed time off is an invitation to remember who we are when we’re not performing or producing or proving anything to anyone.
