Kindness is a quality of being that is simply flat out non-negotiable. If you think back to that one particular time when you experienced the sting of unkindness, that time that left you dumbfounded, literally speechless, you vowed in that moment to never, ever treat another human being so unsympathetically.
And yet “we” do. Why? Why would we treat another person so poorly, a person who has hopes and dreams, fears and challenges just like us? Why?
The scope of the answer to that question extends far beyond the purpose of my post. My intention is to offer you up some of the ways I’ve learned to cultivate kindness in my heart, especially for those who I have unwittingly allowed to mistreat me.
“One thing I know for sure” is people come into our lives to shine a light on the ways we need to grow. Straight up. The paradox is we often react harshly in word or thought to “them” or to ourselves, when in fact we “should” respond with a grateful heart for all the gifts of growth the experience offered us.
For me, kindness is totally non-negotiable. Like, totally!
I offer you a few things I do to create an inner quality of kindness. Does that mean I never falter? No. C’mon? But it does mean that I take my commitment to kindness on like I mean it. I train myself everyday to be kind because I believe it is a state of being that is essential in all our relationships.
- Gratefulness Practice—Every morning when I wake up I create gratefulness for 3 things as soon as I open my eyes. This is NON-negotiable. Even on those days when one of life’s challenges wants to diminish me, I create gratefulness… for the bird in the tree, for the clouds in the sky, for the rain, for my family, for my work, for my challenges, for my gifts. Everyday. Every single day. I began to notice all the good in my life and in the world even in the flow of everyday life’s challenges. Creating gratefulness shifts our psychology from the negative to the positive. We see the good. The “bad” begins to disappear, or just not seem so bad anymore.
- Ho’oponopono—Ho’oponopono is another very powerful transformational practice that is touted to create miracles. Hmmm. Sounds good to me! Who wouldn’t want a miracle? Ho’oponopono offers 4 verses with Hawaiian roots that are intended to do exactly what the word means, “to make right.”These four simple verses are like pure magic! From personal experience I’ve experienced the freedom they offer. The four verses are:
- I am sorry.
- Please forgive me.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
Repeat these four phrases every day. Repeat them aloud or silently. Repeat them when you are driving, standing in the grocery line, or anytime really, but especially when you feel negativity rise within you about anything, but especially yourself. The verses are very healing and very heart softening.
Metta—Metta is one of life’s most beautiful and sweet meditative practices available to us. Also known as Loving-Kindness Meditation. “Metta” comes to us from the Buddhist tradition and is a blessing practice most beloved for it’s heart-opening and heart-softening qualities.
When we practice Metta, we send loving-kindness to ourselves first, and then we extend it out to all others, our benefactors, our loved-ones, “neutral others,” then to those who have challenged us, and then to all beings everywhere. As I learned from author of “Your Truest Self,” and Spiritual Director, Janice Lynne Lundy, we cannot send loving-kindness to others if our very own heart is blocked in some way. So we begin with self, and we do not proceed until we feel our heart pierced by love and forgiveness for our self.
The verses are seemingly benign in their brevity, but WAY more powerful beyond their measure.
The four verses are:
- May I be safe.
- May I be healthy.
- May I be happy.
- May I live with ease.
With our breath, we silently recite the verses for at least 5 minutes per day.
Surely we’ve all experienced the wrath of unkindness, and we may surely experience it again. But for me, I ask myself, who will I be to the face of unkindness? These exercises help me create the kind me I hope to be when I see you next.
